How I Think

“There is only one way in which a person acquires a new idea: by the combination or association of two or more ideas he already has into a new juxtaposition in such a manner as to discover a relationship among them of which he was not previously aware.”
Francis A. Cartier

"The best way to a good idea is to have lots of ideas."
Randall Jarrell “Pictures from an Institution”

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Everyone who has ever taken a shower has had an idea. It’s the person who gets out of the shower, dries off, and does something about it that makes a difference.”
Nolan Bushnell

“My method is different. I do not rush into actual work. When I get a new idea, I start at once building it up in my imagination, and make improvements and operate the device in my mind. When I have gone so far as to embody everything in my invention, every possible improvement I can think of, and when I see no fault anywhere, I put into concrete form the final product of my brain.”
Nikola Tesla

If any title within this “blog” leaves openings for pot shots it’s this one. However, for those who decide to read my writing its only fair that every now and then I share a little about myself, and/or my creative process. “Creative process” being a nice way to say how I go about writing my rants, and expressing my sometimes overly indulged opinions.

On any given day, at almost any given moment, I have at least five to seven ideas floating in my head. Since I started this “blog” there are some days I have even more. Ideas that concern all aspects of my life, my martial art school, things I want to research, and things I want to write about. Mostly things I want to write about.

Sometimes all these thoughts can get really confusing, and of course some of my best inspirations, ideas, enlightened moments, and clarity on the best way to express myself come at a time when there is no pen and paper in sight.

Then of course there are those moments of “brilliance” when I’m falling asleep, and am just too comfortable to jump out of bed and start writing things down--though I have done that plenty of times, much to the discountenance of my wife. In fact, there have been many nights I’ve been up until the sun rises just because that’s when I either finally found the information I was searching for, or finally figured out the best way to express what I was trying to convey.

Clearly, once I get fixated on something time, food, family, and the dog often take a back seat to my project. A trait that often tends to annoy my wife, because she would like to see me do other things than just sit in front of a computer and read and type all day.

Its not that my wife doesn’t support me in my endeavors, she clearly enjoys seeing me doing something I take an interest in. However, she wants to make sure I do other things also, like go to the gym, eat, and spend some quality time with her. And you know what, I can’t argue with that.

What I’ve learned over the years is that I’m more of an “idea” man, than someone who puts things into action. Its not that I don’t try to act on my ideas, I do, there is just something inside me that tends to sidetrack me. Often other ideas, which generate from the original, ultimately take a life of their own.

Case in point; On Monday April 3rd I posted the story of Shirai Gonpachi, a young samurai who falls into a life of debauchery, and becomes a killer. While researching his story I discovered at least another dozen things I could write about. Things that were extremely interesting to me, and that I wanted to learn more about. Things, which clearly could have a definite impact on the history of my school if one day I can find concrete proof to tie them together, though at this time are only fanciful speculation.

I started the story of Gonpaci on Wednesday March 29th, and finished it on the following Friday afternoon. However, I spent the entire weekend researching all these new interests, which of course led to more things, and then more things, and then more things. I’m sure you get the point.

The fact is, I spent so much time researching and taking notes on all these new discoveries that I no longer remember my original ideas I had for follow up essays. Or to state things clearer, I remember my intention, but not how I was going to go about making my points.

The problem is that now I have so much information, about so many things, I don’t even know where to start, and I’m sure once I actually start writing I won’t have the discipline to stay focused on which topic I choose to write about. After all, all these topics are interrelated, which of course is the main reason I discovered them in the first place.

For those who have read some of my other writings you may agree with my assertion that I tend to drift off my main topic at times. However, hardly anyone has ever seen my first draft, or for that matter the second, third or fourth revised versions.

Yes, I go over what I write time and time again, and that’s part of my problem, part of how I think. I have the idea, the desire, but often lack the abilities to execute them in the way I picture them in my mind. And I wont settle for just part of my picture. Things have to be a certain way, or not at all. I’m sure there is a term for this behavior, but I can’t think of it at this moment.

By this point, you may wonder why I place so much pressure on myself over a “blog.” Good question. However, the only answer I have is that I’m like that in almost every facet of my life--especially when it comes to things I do that express my creative side (writing, art, woodworking etc).

Oh, and don’t forget my zeal for the martial arts I practice. After all, it was due to my perniciousness that I didn’t quit during the first few years and still continue to this day, some thirty plus years later.

Now, I won’t say I’m a perfectionist, but I am close. Since I know my limits and can admit when I lack the ability to do something better, I’ve learned to let things go at a certain point. However, sometimes that point can be a long, long time in coming, much to the frustration of those around me.

In addition sometimes that point isn’t reached until numerous attempts have been tried, I’ve become completely exasperated, and I’ve finally exhausted every possible way I can think of to achieve my goal.

Clearly, even after al that I’m rarely satisfied with my output, no matter how glorious others may claim the result is.

Trust me I’ve had many sleepless nights pondering the events of a day, even when the day seemed to go off without a glitch. Especially after presentations/seminars I’ve given, or even over something seemingly trivial thing such as posting an essay on this forum.

In some cases these concern are warranted, however many times they are not. Unfortunately rational or not, this is who I am. Once again that is the way I think.

Another reason I go over things again and again, especially when it comes to things I write, is that I don’t want to misinform anyone. If I state something as a “fact” I want to make sure it is a fact, not an opinion.

Sometimes though, scientific/historical “facts” change, especially with all the new discoveries that are made each year. Because of this I spend a lot of time rechecking old info, before using it.

Of course if “facts” have changed I have to rethink my opinions, and often times whole ideas have to be stopped, reformulated, and restarted.

For example, I’ve been working on a book for ten years now. That’s actual writing time; as opposed to the other ten years I spent researching information on the topic matter.

Of course twenty years ago there was no Internet, and most of my resources were limited to the local library. Now with the Internet more avenues, (good, bad, and other), to find information are available. It would be unconscionable for me not to utilize any and all resources available to me to create this book of mine. I don’t want to write something others will scoff at, even though I know deep down there will always be someone with a difference of opinion, or who is more knowledgeable than me and can point out mistakes I’ve made.

In addition in the last ten years a lot more research has been done related to the topic of my book, much of which can’t be left out, as this information is important in justifying and/or proving my assertions.

In other words I’ve had to re-write parts of my book several times in order to add and remove information as necessary. Unfortunately, at times this has meant re-writing whole chapters since one paragraph can affect everything else before and after it.

I know I should learn to let go, and have been told numerous times, by numerous people that at some point I’ll just have to write the book and leave it as it is. I know that’s the right thing to do, but at least for now I can’t.

It’s not fear, or a sense that what I’ve written has no merit, which prevents me from ever being fully satisfied with what I do. It’s something much deeper, which at this point in my life I still can’t explain. Maybe many hard years of therapy would help. Who knows?

For now, I’ll go own frustrating myself with random thoughts, ideas that will never be fully explored or expressed, and the time consuming monotony of writing and re-writing all the things I wish to put into print.

Am I happy with the way I think, I think the answer is yes, but I may have more ideas on that answer tomorrow.

For now I’ll leave you with the following thoughts:

“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”
George Orwell, "Why I Write," 1947

“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”
Epictetus

“The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.”
Robert Cromier

“Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression. The chasm is never completely bridged. We all have the conviction, perhaps illusory, that we have much more to say than appears on the paper.”
Isaac Bashevis Singer

“What things there are to write, if one could only write them! My mind is full of gleaming thought; gay moods and mysterious, moth-like meditations hover in my imagination, fanning their painted wings. But always the rarest, those streaked with azure and the deepest crimson, flutter away beyond my reach.”
Logan Pearsall Smith

“Having imagination, it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that, if you were unimaginative, would take you only a minute. Or you might not write the paragraph at all.”
Franklin P. Adams, “Half a Loaf,” 1927

“The writer writes in order to teach himself, to understand himself, to satisfy himself; the publishing of his ideas, though it brings gratification, is a curious anticlimax.”
Alfred Kazin, “Think,” February 1963